This week marks a special 3 year anniversary. We had brought Manny home on March 26, 2010
(his 9 month birthday). Then 6 weeks
later he had pneumonia and we had to be admitted to the hospital. Then on May 17, 2010 … 3 years ago today, we
got the news that Manny had a fatal condition and would not likely live a
month. Certainly not 6 more months.
During that stay, I met some amazing people. Ironically, I’m still friends with and in
contact with almost everyone from that stay.
Dr. Cartaya was our hospitalist. He walked in our room and asked if we were a
full code. We discussed DNRs and even
left the hospital with one. (It was
never renewed once Manny was adopted so there has never been a DNR in Manny’s
name, only one in his birth name.) As I
think back on the 3 years, I cannot imagine our journey without him. He and I
have had some serious conversations, some crazy ones, silly ones, etc. We have grown to respect each other and our
judgments regarding caring for Manny. He
has thought out of the box most of the time with us. I’m thankful he’s been on our journey.
Stephanie was one of the IV nurses. She not only cared for his IV needs, she
cared for me. Manny had been having
oxygen issues and she even empowered me on how to deal with some of the
staff. I’ll never forget our first
meetings. Over the 3 years we have been
through a lot together as well. There
have been MANY IVs, blood draws, PICCs, dressing changes etc . She has taught me so many things about how to
keep Manny safe.
Dana was one of our first nurses. She was the nurse on the day when we got the
devastating news. She even went down
with me to an EEG. There was a moment
where Manny was having troubles breathing and he was getting upset. I crawled up on the bed with him to comfort
him. My friend (and fellow adoptive Mom),
Tara, was there and actually captured the moment in pictures. (What a gift!) There was a point where I was just face to
face with him and trying to bring him peace.
For some reason, I happened to notice and both Dana and Tara were trying
not to well up with tears. There was just
such a tender moment that I’ll never forget it. Dana works on the 8th floor and
we’re rarely admitted over there any more so I rarely get to see her. But she is a dear friend. I’ll always be grateful for the way she loves
me and my son.
Dr. Prpich is the Pulmonologist. I hadn’t met him until this exact date. The Neurologist was sitting on the couch with
me delivering that horrible news (I can’t imagine being a physician and having
to do that). And as he was in the middle
of the prognosis, a person was standing in the doorway. He eventually slipped out and came back
later. It was Dr. P. He apologized for interrupting that moment;
that he had no clue I was just getting that news. But I told him I was glad he was there as he
was going to be a key physician in my son’s care and we needed him to be in the
loop. Yesterday I was in his office for
a hospital follow up. I reminded him it
had been three years. He was shocked to
know it had been that long!
There are many many more I could name. But the truth is … I kinda feel there was “Life
before May 17, 2010” and “Life after”.
Tonight I was reflecting back on those days. The emotions are all still RIGHT THERE. It’s like life was put on slow motion and I
can remember every single details. I
remember the room. The techs. The feelings.
I was looking back at the blog entries from then. If you want to do that … you have to go back
starting in early May 2010. It’s an
interesting read … and if nothing else, you’d enjoy looking at pictures of baby
Manny. (Here’s a good sample one … http://destinyshousechurch.blogspot.com/2010/05/week-ago.html)
No one ever thought he’d be alive 3 years later. I know we hoped. We prayed.
We begged. But there were no
guarantees. Afterall, we have friends
who have lost kids early. So to be
celebrating this milestone is amazing to me.
I was also thinking about several of the moments that
prompted us deciding to adopt Manny. I’m
sure I’ve told it on here before but … the final straw moment came in the form
of a song. “Love Never Fails” by Brandon
Heath. If you’re not familiar … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geVbSntnOd8
It’s worth the 3 minutes.
But 3 years ago, I had just dropped off all the kids at
school. Even Zoe was in preschool. I had a rare moment to myself so I went to
the store. I’d just pulled in the
parking lot when this song came on. I’d
never heard it before. I was a singer so
music speaks to me in a powerful way.
And the words just had me unglued.
Here are the lyrics
Love is not proudLove does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most
Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside
Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you
Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time
Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don't
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you
When my heart won't make a sound
When I can't turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this
Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life
Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you
You see the TRUTH written in those words?
Love doesn’t run or hide or keep
locked inside? Well, that’s what I would
be doing if I didn’t accept him into our lives.
Love sustains and provides? It
hopes, protects and believes even when I don’t?? You see, I was doubting that we could do
this. I was afraid this would be very
hard. I worried what this would do to
our family, to our other kids. God was
saying directly to me … I’ve got this! (And
since God IS love … then it means that God never fails too.)
By the end of the song I was in a puddle on the van floor. I was yelling, “I get it!!” And I went home that day and said we would be
his family.
Now fast forward 3 years …It’s been HARDER than I even began to think 3
years ago. All the things I dreaded and
worried about have come true PLUS some.
People say they want a crystal ball.
Trust me, the future would scare them so bad they’d never leave the
house! Because the truth is … we
grow. We learn. We get new muscles. We gain faith. Over time we become strong enough to handle
what is coming. Just like a Mother holds
her newborn 8 pounder. Then eventually
he’s 10 pounds and 20 and she can still hold him. Why?
Because her muscles have grown as he did.
Well … the last three years have kicked my butt in more ways than I’d like to
admit. But I would not trade even one
day, not one experience. Even the hard
stuff. Even when I screwed up and
failed.
I would not give up one day of my life with Manny.
And I’m willing to bet that most of you (even the ones who have never met
Manny) could not imagine your life without him in it.
Life with Manny is harder than I ever dreamed possible. But LOVE NEVER FAILS.
Gosh Beth.... we DO love him right along with you. Thank you for sharing your journey. Thank you for sharing your love.
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