If I had a dollar ...

If I had a dollar …

for every tear I’ve shed while in a hospital room
for every tear Manny has shed
for every breathing treatment given
for every medicine taken
for every time he was awakened during sleep
for every hour of sleep taken from me
for every IV stick
for every surgery that invaded his body
for every stitch
for every time I’ve suctioned him
for every painful conversation with doctors
for every painful conversation with nurses
for every allergic reaction
for every mistake made  
for every day I’ve spent away from my other kids
for every tear they've cried
for every text saying they miss me and want me home
for every beeping alarm alerting us to danger
for every time I’ve wondered “Is today the day?”
… I’d be RICH. 

 

If I had to pay a dollar…

for every prayer prayed
for every tear another has shed for my family
for every nurse that works tirelessly to help him recover
for every beep they rush to
for every compassionate conversation with nurses
for every informative conversation with doctors
for every medicine given
for every surgery that gave him another chance
for every IV that delivered necessary medicine
for every machine that helps keep him alive
for every alarming machine so we would know he was in danger
for every mistake caught
for every mistake learned from
for every time my child sent me an "I love you" text
for every new day we could have missed
… I’d still be rich 

 

After I wrote this … I realized it needed a disclaimer/explanation.  I know some could read it as “there’s been a lot more of the top than the bottom so I’d still have money left”.  While funny, that’s not what I meant at all. 

What I did mean is … in life, there are good and bad things that happen to us.  But both leave fingerprints on us.  Each experience leaves us with something we couldn’t have had without it. These experiences enrich us … if we let them.

Many people choose to see the good things as “we were entitled to” or “deserved” that.  But then when bad/unpleasant things occur, we think it’s punitive.  We tend to dismiss the good stuff as what we expected and are therefore often not thankful for it.  And the bad stuff is intensified in our minds as “why ME??” and wallow in it.  Because clearly, we only deserve the good stuff in life.  And then we miss the blessing of both sides. 

But life isn’t set up this way.  Good stuff happens.  Bad stuff happens.  And when we come to accept that, it’s a good first step. 

But where I believe we need to get is … how do I glean stuff from the good AND the bad?  How do we not let the good stuff spoil us and turn us into entitled brats? While not letting the bad turn us into angry, broken souls?  How can all of life enrich us?

The other day, Manny was getting a breathing treatment he HATES (but it’s effective so we continue to do it despite his objections).  The respiratory therapist says, “You have to do this so you can get better.” He normally agrees with this logic.  But this time he says he’d rather just stay sick. 

People ask how I do what I do.  Not just once or a few times but CONTINUALLY.  I think my “secret” is somewhere in this revelation.  Life isn’t just the good times.  Life is full of ups and downs and sideways and adventures.  Some of my biggest blessings have come through the painful times. 

My point?  There is good to glean in every moment in life, even the stuff that sucks. 

Makes me think of the powerful poem by Walt Whitman.  I first was introduced to this quote like many others in the movie, “Dead Poet’s Society” and it’s quoted by the character portrayed by Robin Williams.

 

… The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.  That you are here—that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

 

                                       Answer.

That you are here—that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

 

                                       Answer.

That you are here—that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

 

 I have thought about that quote and that concept many times in life.  What if it’s true?  What if MY life is a play or a book that I’m writing?  What kind of characters would I want in my book?  (Fun, outlandish, crazy ones of course.) What kinds of adventures would I like me (the main character) to go on?  What life experiences should she have? What kinds of moral and ethical issues would she face?  What kinds of battles would she fight in?  How many scars would I give her? Would she lose some battles and then win the war?  Would she have people who would come to her side and fight with her?  And at the end of the book, she’d be full.  Her life would have meaning.  The world would be a better place because she came and lived and fought and won.  She’d know her victories and defeats brought her to this place of victory.  And it would all be worth it. 

You know … a cool book.  I’d want an awesome adventure.  I’d want other people to pick up my book and be amazed by it.  Enthralled by it.  Inspired by it.  And at the end of reading it, I’d hope people would want to make THEIR lives more interesting.  They’d need to get out and write a kick butt play too. 

If a good book requires all these ups and downs to be a worthwhile read, why do we think life would be any different?  It’s not.  

So I guess this leaves me with final questions … how’s YOUR book shaping up?  Are you RICH?  Is it a book worth reading?