Where she needs to be

Is it sitting in those little chairs?  The smell of the chalk in the air?  The dingy florescent bulbs flickering on and off?

What EXACTLY is it that makes me absolutely cringe to be back in a school room???

I know, maybe it's the fact that I spent 12 years in school and another 7 years in college classes (2 bachelor's degrees, MA, PhD).  That's not to count the years I taught in school or in the university.

My poor deluded 1st grader (Luke) went off to class the first day and I thought ... "You have NO clue what you have just signed up for, the YEARS ahead of you."

But I digress.

This morning, I had a parent teacher conference with Mrs. Ryan.  She's Kaley's 4th grade teacher.  She is WONDERFULLY amazing.  Love her.  She is kind and respectful and most of all, she likes my kid.  She was telling me all the lovely things Kaley is.

Kaley is so tiny that her classmates all want to take care of her, help her out.  And truthfully, she can use all the help she can get.   Mrs. Ryan is an experienced enough teacher to know that it's OK for a fellow student to help out.  She said Kaley and Lydia (the next seat over) are always talking, but it's always on point, never about the latest movie or whatever.

Kaley IS having a bit of struggle with some of her reading/writing assessments ... but we knew that going in.  She learns just a bit slower in this area and I'm so thrilled that she has Mrs. Ryan, someone who "gets" it.

So I left this teacher conference with all the confidence in the world that Kaley is right where she needs to be.  That is HUGE news.  Before sending the kids to public school, SHE was one of my main concerns.   But seems that God has put her right where she needs to be.

How often can we say that in life:  We made the right choice!  So I'm going to enjoy my cup of hot tea and this feeling of doing *something* right.  But I'd better drink fast ... I know these feelings are fleeting. ;)

push or hold, what to do "until"

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what we do "until".

1) You know how you are expecting to do something exciting in just a little while ... what do you do "until" it's time to go?

2) Or you have a problem and you haven't figured out the solution yet ... what do you do "until" you decide?

3) Or what about how you've asked God to do something for you and you even know He will ... but what do you do "until" it arrives?

I personally think it is THOSE moments where I can get myself into the most trouble.

For example one, while I'm waiting for something to happen, I can get distracted, get off course, waste time. It's hard to use that time productively.

For example two, I can find all sorts of trouble to get into. From the time I discover the problem until I act on the best solution ... my mind can come up with lots of crazy ideas.

Like Jacob is having some trouble at school - but only with one teacher. All the others think he is a great, loving, well-behaved kid who loves to learn, gets along with others well, is getting good grades, etc. But this one is saying he is a behavior problem, is not there to learn and is failing. (In a subject he LOVES by the way). So my head gets around the problem and I come up with all sorts of CRAZY things to do. If I went with my heart, I would have already been to school to deck her for making my son cry. If I went with my cunning side, I would have already been to the school to talk to the principal (she has become a good friend and a great advocate). If I went with my mommy heart, I'd have pulled him from school and been back to homeschooling to protect his heart. etc etc.

But none of these are really the best answers. I know I will let my calmer head prevail and come up with a solution that works for all. But in the MEANTIME or "until" I do, sometimes I'm full of swirling thoughts, negative emotional churning. And if I let that get the best of me, that's not OK.

For example 3, I know that I do the same thing (like with Jacob) when it comes to God. I know that He has promised X but "until" it arrives ... I'm not exactly sure what to do. And with the Jacob story, the answers seem pretty clear cut of which is right, which is wrong, which is doable/not. But there seems to be a lot more "gray" areas when it comes to waiting on God.

I find scriptures that back up 2 completely opposite points of view.

One says to wait and look and hope. Be paitent and rest in Him. Stand still and see the deliverance.

But there are just as may scriptures that show we have not because we ask not. Or we weren't like the widow who kept going to the judge. Or the person whose friends lowered him through the rooftop so he could be healed. These examples show going above and beyond, of PUSHING and not holding still.

I find myself completely caught in the middle of this argument many times. I KNOW that God will ultimately do. I KNOW that it will be perfect timing.

But the question is ... push or hold?

What to do "UNTIL"?

The ebb and flow (Kids in School)

It's officially been a month now that the kids have been out of homeschooling and into public school.  We've had a few bumps along the way.

Among those lows: Sam's lunch got in Jacob's backpack.  I put notes in each kid's lunch and got bad reviews.  One kid is learning the value of bringing home homework to do and not put it off until Mom discovers it missing.  Kaley did get sick and have to stay home a few days (but truthfully, she's doing better than I thought she'd be doing!) Some nights, I'm spending more than 5 hours doing homework ... THEY are not doing that much, but by the time *I* get through each of them, *I* have spent 5 hours!!!  Yikes (that's more than a homeschooling day)

Among the highs:  They are all still enjoying school.  They get up easily in the mornings and don't complain.  (I do, but they don't.)  They are getting great reviews from their teachers and are well liked.

Yesterday, I got a note from Kaley's secondary teacher saying she had scored a 95% on her math test (that is a HUGE praise report) and he added that the students all seem to like her.  (I'm not surprised.)

When she got home, she told me she had done well on her math test.  She said, "Mr. Morgan asked me in front of the whole class, 'What do you think you got on your math test?'  and I said '11'.  The whole class laughed and thought I was funny.  He asked again and I said '15?'"  The great part is that she knew they weren't laughing AT her (they weren't), she knew they thought she was funny.  Made her glow talking about it.

Then Sam and Luke both had an "AR test" ... never heard of it but it's some kind of computer reading test.  Sam scored an 80% and was fairly satisfied with it.  He's a glass half full kind of guy (which I love about him because I was the kind of kid who beat myself up for the one question I missed and not the 95 I got right).

Luke was soooo excited to take his ... if he got 100% he would get THREE gumballs!!  (That teacher knows his love language for sure.)  I didn't want him to feel so pressured so I told him *I* would give him 3 gumballs if he just did his best.    But guess what?  He made 100%!!  He was sooo proud. I asked him what the questions were and he couldn't remember! (Typical) but at least he got them right.

Jacob is continuing to amaze me.  He has some "issues" we're working on .. but overall, he's making friends and loving school.  His teacher has a real heart for him - she has a 3 year old nephew who has recently been diagnosed with autism - she watches Jacob with real, personal interest.

Zoe is kickin' butt in school too.  3 hours every day plus 2 days of speech therapy.  At the beginning of the year she could already do all the goals for the END of the year.  So she is having fun, learning to socialize with others, learning to articulate for strangers.  Her only complaint is that she doesn't have homework!  She actually makes me do some for her every day.  So I happily do.  Her little mind is just a buzz waiting to be filled.

So there's a (semi) quick version of what is going on in the land of the Gores with school.

One month down. 8 to go.

Hope I make it. Them?  They're doing great!

Odd or Normal (Autism behaviors or child going nuts)?

Jacob (11) is one of the coolest kids on the planet.  He is sweet, kind, smart, funny, loving.  He is a (relatively) good communicator and an avid reader.  He can spout facts like a trivia book.  He has basically a photographic memory.  If he's read something - even a year later - he can cite the book.  If you challenge him on it, he can find the book, the page and the paragraph in 2 seconds flat.  And then you'll notice not only did he get it right, he did it in his own paraphrased words (showing comprehension not just rote memorization). 

Jacob has always been the kind of kid you can count on and TRUST.  For example, when he was 5 and at a preschool event, all the other kids crossed the small street to go to the playground.  He did not.  He was highly praised.  I was not surprised ... he is just like that. He is very, very rule oriented. You tell him to do something, he WILL do it.

Most of you know, he recently started going to public school .. after doing grades K-4 at home.  Long story why we did this ... let's just say it was time.  As a result, I'm noticing a few things.

He's no longer rule oriented.  He does what he wants.  He makes stuff up as he goes.  For example, I would ask where his math homework was and he would say, "I did it at school."  Well, I know the first few weeks are often review and I thought not much of it.  But eventually, I started getting suspicious.  Then last week, I got an email from the math teacher on the benefits of homework and how I should be doing a better job of helping him so he can master the concepts.  I was horrified and livid.  I kept my cool though and read it to him. 

"What's going on?"  Eventually, he is able to tell me that he felt the homework was too hard and too long so he just didn't want to do it.  So he didn't. He thought I wouldn't notice.  He thought his teacher wouldn't notice.  I showed him how a teacher's grading book works - she knows what homework she gave out and which ones came in.  She puts the scores in her book.  "Oh." 

I made him write a letter of apology to his teacher and what he was going to do to remedy the situation.  We've been working diligently on catching up.  (And he realized it really wasn't that hard or long.)

This is something that would have NEVER occured to me that he would do.  In homeschool, I give him the work and he does it right then and there.  Sometimes with my help.  Sometimes alone.  But when he is done he turns it in to me.  But now ... we have to rely on him to bring home his homework and take it back. So now his 2 teachers and I are on the same page, working together to help make sure I know what he is supposed to be doing. We still have to rely on him as the "transporter".  Like yesterday he said he only had one page of math, nothing in him math notebook so he didn't bring it home.  I do not know if this is true or not, so I wrote a note in his book asking. 

This isn't the only thing going on, just an example of it. 

So I guess I'm asking ... is this just "typical" boy of age 11?  Is this just a phase?  Is this just "him" testing the new boundaries? (never done that before)  Is it possible I'm seeing a ceiling to his capabilities?  Is this "typical" in autism spectrum?

And furthermore, suggestions for how to make sure we're on top of it? 

Thanks! 

Sibling Rivalry: The Luke and Zoe story

When Zoe came home 2 years ago at age 2, Luke was 4.  He was very, very excited to be getting a little sister.  I was seriously THRILLED because he was so gentle, kind and loving to my niece so I knew he would make a good big brother.

Zoe came home from an orphanage and she had some, er, um, "issues".  She played nicely with everyone, everyone except Luke that it.  Him, she hit, bit, slapped, and generally made his life miserable.  (Of course we tried to stop it and intervene.)  He took it for a long time.  Eventually, his feelings got enough hurt and he started doing the natural thing.

A rivalry was born. That was not going to be OK with me.  Ever since the first day home, I've been trying to build that bond.  Some days there is a lot of hope that it's working and then 5 minutes later, they're at each other's throat. 

I know many people say that sibling rivalry is fine, normal, no big deal.  But until this ... we had NONE.  And I want that back.  And the hitting, pinching, etc is over.  It's mostly just a verbal battle now.  But still. 

One thing I make them do sometimes is hold hands when they are upset with each other.  Then I give them a chore to do that can only be done with 2 hands so they have to do teamwork.  By the end of the 2-3 minute task, they're usually laughing and having fun with each other. 

This school year, they all started public school.  Zoe found a little boy to be her playmate.  He's blonde headed and blue eyed and looks a lot like Luke.  You'll never guess his name.  OK, maybe you will.  LUKE.  Her playmate at school ... out of all the kids she could have picked ... is Luke.  Hmmm.

Then Luke has been telling me about his friends.  Joey, Ricky, Ukari and Logan.  He tells me how they play together, have fun together.  Last week, I asked which was his best friend and he said Ukari.  Then I met that friend ... you guessed it.  An Asian girl.  Ukari is an Asian girl.

So ... it has birthed in me the HOPE that they are finding friends that are similar to their siblings.  Maybe all that stuff I am doing is actually working on a subconscious level. 

Isn't parenting grand?  Especially the parts where we make stuff up as we go?

A New Beginning

The alarm goes off.  Way too early. But if I don't get up, the kids won't get up and then they'll be HERE all day instead of at school.  So I drag my tired self out of bed.

Not that long ago (last school year in fact), I could sleep in as late as I wanted ... we homeschooled. But this year, all that's changed.  And while I enjoy SOME (Ok, most) of the things associated with not having that role any more ... there is one thing that gets me: getting up.

Why? 

Because I'm staying up as late as ever to work.  Later even now that I'm trying to meet a deadline for my book.  So somehow the evening melds into the morning and all of the sudden - WHAMO ... beep, beep, beep. Time to do it all over again.

I don't even drink coffee.  (I know, I know).

As I sit here, the house is quiet.  I can hear the birds outside.  I can even hear my own thoughts.  I'm getting used to this new schedule.  And while I might not enjoy every moment of this new schedule, I am mostly glad I can work on projects that *I* want to work on.  I am making dents in things I've put on the back burner for years.  I'm feeling a sense of accomplishment of who I am as a person again (not just as a mother, a wife or the other roles).  I'm rediscovering what *I* like and what *I* have to contribute to the world.

So alarm ... you might not be that bad afterall.  (But don't be shocked if I still yell at you tomorrow morning when you go off waaay too early!)