Misled (part 2)

Thanks for all the wonderful comments on "I feel misled".  Great discussion. 

Time to clarify.  143 million children were identified by UNICEF as needing extra services.  They put the label "Orphan" on those children.  Technically, many are not orphans.  But they still need services of some type and need help.  But MOST do not need a new family. (This was all news to me as I'd only heard it as 143million kids need a new home.)

Meanwhile. The Bible tells me to take care of the orphan.  Now the Bible doesn't clearly define orphan so I will not either.  But it also urges me to take care of the poor, the needy, hungry, sick, etc.  And it tells me to take care of my neighbor.  And it tells me to help those who ask for help.  (I could cite verses for all of these but I'm not really trying to do a Bible Study here.) 

Therefore, 143 million children need some type of help.  True.  The TYPE of help is what is in question for me. 

When I speak about adoption now, I will make sure to use the right data.  It's not 143 million who need to be adopted.  In fact, it's a relatively small number (which is actually GREAT news).  It's still a huge need.  Of those that need to be adopted, MOST (estimates are 95%) are above the age of 5 and many are in sibling groups.  Most are not Caucasian but are African, Asian, Hispanic.  So as I help people identify the need, THIS is the clearer picture.  (And Yes, there are still little ones needing a home.)

Next, as I speak, I will be sure to include the need for services right where the kids are.  That emphasis needs to be a part of the story.  To help the child who is living with his grandmother and they are not eating every day.  The child who cannot go to school because he does not have clothing or shoes to be able to go.  The child who drinks from polluted water every day.  The child who is sick and has no access to medical care.  THESE are among the 143 million children - whether they have parents/relatives or not. 

I was among those giving out misinformation.  Now, I am on the track of giving the right information.  I'm hoping that I can better identify the actual needs and help meet THOSE needs, not the ones we "thought" or were "told" were the needs. 

My heart has not changed.  My personal mission has not changed.   ("Speaking for those who cannot speak for themselves" from Proverbs 31:8.)  The mission of S.H.O.E.S. will change but only slightly.  We have a lot of work to do. 

What will YOU do to help these children?

I feel misled

I've been dreading writing this for a while now.  Here goes. 

What does the word "Orphan" mean to you?  To ME, it means - has no parents (No mother or father).  I was told (and it's everywhere in literature and on the internet, in sermons ... everywhere), that there are 143 million orphans in the world.  I even wrote an article about it, had it on my website. 

Turns out, they have a new definition for the word "Orphan" ... meaning - having lost one parent.  There are 143 million "orphans".  You are called a "double orphan" if you have lost both parents.  There are approximately 16 million of those in the world.  (Still a lot, but a huge difference.)

According to Unicef (the noted expert on this subject) says of those 16 million "double orphans", 95% of them live with a relative (grandparents, aunts, etc.) and are not available for adoption.  Now I have NO clue if this data is correct or not. I'm not even going to cite where I read this - just google it for yourself if you want.  I'm simply saying, I feel misled.

Does this change the fact that these 143 million children NEED help?  Of course not.  But it DOES change what things they need.  They don't need a family, need to be adopted.  They need services around them, services for their family and community.  It completely shifts the focus for me at least. 

My head has been spinning.  As the director of SHOES (a non-profit designed to help these orphans), I have to rethink what we are doing and if we're meeting the actual need, not just the one I was told was there. 

Thoughts?  Suggestions?  Where does my ministry go from here?  I'd love to hear from all of you on this. 



Maybe I'm the last person on the planet to have figured this out ... I highly doubt it. 

Sibling Rivalry: The Luke and Zoe story

When Zoe came home 2 years ago at age 2, Luke was 4.  He was very, very excited to be getting a little sister.  I was seriously THRILLED because he was so gentle, kind and loving to my niece so I knew he would make a good big brother.

Zoe came home from an orphanage and she had some, er, um, "issues".  She played nicely with everyone, everyone except Luke that it.  Him, she hit, bit, slapped, and generally made his life miserable.  (Of course we tried to stop it and intervene.)  He took it for a long time.  Eventually, his feelings got enough hurt and he started doing the natural thing.

A rivalry was born. That was not going to be OK with me.  Ever since the first day home, I've been trying to build that bond.  Some days there is a lot of hope that it's working and then 5 minutes later, they're at each other's throat. 

I know many people say that sibling rivalry is fine, normal, no big deal.  But until this ... we had NONE.  And I want that back.  And the hitting, pinching, etc is over.  It's mostly just a verbal battle now.  But still. 

One thing I make them do sometimes is hold hands when they are upset with each other.  Then I give them a chore to do that can only be done with 2 hands so they have to do teamwork.  By the end of the 2-3 minute task, they're usually laughing and having fun with each other. 

This school year, they all started public school.  Zoe found a little boy to be her playmate.  He's blonde headed and blue eyed and looks a lot like Luke.  You'll never guess his name.  OK, maybe you will.  LUKE.  Her playmate at school ... out of all the kids she could have picked ... is Luke.  Hmmm.

Then Luke has been telling me about his friends.  Joey, Ricky, Ukari and Logan.  He tells me how they play together, have fun together.  Last week, I asked which was his best friend and he said Ukari.  Then I met that friend ... you guessed it.  An Asian girl.  Ukari is an Asian girl.

So ... it has birthed in me the HOPE that they are finding friends that are similar to their siblings.  Maybe all that stuff I am doing is actually working on a subconscious level. 

Isn't parenting grand?  Especially the parts where we make stuff up as we go?

What are the odds? (Getting to be God's hands in a miracle)

10:45pm last night. Church was over. Standing around fellowshipping. God tells me to go into the children's room.  I do. I wondered why but have learned to just do it.  I look around and see nothing out of the ordinary and go to turn off the light.  The switch is right by a glass door that looks out upon a deserted courtyard not really used very much.  I see this young girl stumbling around, clearly drunk, can barely stand.  She looks hurt. 

God tells me that Andrea (a 20 year old in our church) and I are supposed to pray for her.  I go get Andrea who is fellowshipping with everyone.  I grab her by the hand and say, "Come".  I take her to the door and I'm going to tell her, "See that girl? God says we're supposed to pray for her."  But before I can do that, Andrea says, "That's Tina*" (name changed).  It's a 23 year old ex friend of hers she hadn't seen in over a year. 

I run into the courtyard and yell "Tina, Tina. I know you don't know me but I'm here to help."  She grabs me and hugs me in that way a person does that just can't get close enough.  She keeps saying over and over, "Help, please".  The other ladies in the church and I lead her into the church for some privacy, a chair, it's cooler in there. 

The ladies and I sit around her praying quietly, asking God for a word of wisdom on what to do.  Elsa, one of the ladies realized she had this girl's mother's phone number on her cell.  (She has know Tina since she was a little girl.)  They call her. 

Meanwhile, Tina went back and forth between hugging me so tight it hurt to trying to hurt me.  I know she wasn't trying to hurt ME.  She had no clue who I was.  She was just expressing the pain she was feeling.  Over the next half hour or so until the mother could arrive, we just prayed for her and tried to keep her safe. She would try to stand and then fall and hit her head.  We prayed for a calming spirit and then she finally almost went to sleep.  (And I ended up with no bruises or scratches - I know how to protect myself and I know I had a little extra help.)

At the same time, Dan was outside of the building.  (He told me all this after we got home.)  He noticed 2 very suspicious guys with a 6 pack of beer trying to find Tina.  They had been following her.  (She had no clue.)  Dan was standing guard, making sure they didn't try anything.  (It helps that Dan is a BIG man.)  But they couldn't find her ... we'd moved her into the church.  She was hiding under the wing of the Almighty.  She was under covering. 

We then shifted our prayers to the mother - how would she handle this?  What would she do?  I know if this was MY daughter, I'd want help in knowing what to do.  Sure enough, the mother arrived and was in a panic almost about what to do. 

Turns out, this girl has had a history of drunken binges but had gotten her life together.  She was in therapy and counseling and had been doing a lot better.  Until yesterday, her boyfriend in Iraq broke up with her and it sent her into a sprial. 

The men walked her to the car. She could still barely walk.  (and she was covered with pee, making it difficult to carry her.)

Tina has a 2 year old daughter.  The grandmother had been babysitting her so she had to come to.  She was freaking out seeing her mommy like that.  Everyone was telling her nothing was wrong.  She's not stupid, she's just young.  So I say to her, "Mommy is walking crazy, isn't she?  But it is going to be OK."  and she calmed down.  I had to show her we were not out of touch with reality. 

As we put Tina in the car, the mom told us some more of the story.  She realized Tina was gone and so she called a friend.  At the same time God sent her our way, she was praying, "Lord, hedge her in."  This mother was so grateful to God knowing that He had indeed answered that prayer by sending her daughter right into our hands. 

We all shudder to think what would have happened if.  The amount of details that had to be coordinated are astronomical.  Humanly, I still cannot get my head around it.  12 hours later and I'm still reeling from it.  She happened to go to the bar right where we are now meeting (she didn't know that we had moved nor did the mother). The bartender took away her keys, put her in 2 different cabs (she jumped out of both).  She went to the back side of the building.  She happened to walk up the one hallway where we were (out of 5 choices).  She was there at the exact moment I was looking out the door.  I happened to listen to His proddings.  etc etc etc.

Why am I even amazed?  I pray that I get to be God's hands.  I pray for miracles.  Yet I sometimes get shocked when it happens.  There were so many details to this miracle that I cannot begin to tell them all (and that's just the ones *I* know about!)

When I got home last night, my sister had taken the kids home from church early and put them to bed.  The girls get a special treat of sleeping in my bed until I get there.  As I carried each of them to their beds, I hugged them a little tighter.  I cried as I kissed them on the forehead.  I asked God, "How do you get from here to there?" 

I just feel so small.  And I feel God ever more present.  If you wonder if God is truly involved in the day to day things of our lives, I beg you to consider this miracle.  Thank you Lord!

A New Beginning

The alarm goes off.  Way too early. But if I don't get up, the kids won't get up and then they'll be HERE all day instead of at school.  So I drag my tired self out of bed.

Not that long ago (last school year in fact), I could sleep in as late as I wanted ... we homeschooled. But this year, all that's changed.  And while I enjoy SOME (Ok, most) of the things associated with not having that role any more ... there is one thing that gets me: getting up.

Why? 

Because I'm staying up as late as ever to work.  Later even now that I'm trying to meet a deadline for my book.  So somehow the evening melds into the morning and all of the sudden - WHAMO ... beep, beep, beep. Time to do it all over again.

I don't even drink coffee.  (I know, I know).

As I sit here, the house is quiet.  I can hear the birds outside.  I can even hear my own thoughts.  I'm getting used to this new schedule.  And while I might not enjoy every moment of this new schedule, I am mostly glad I can work on projects that *I* want to work on.  I am making dents in things I've put on the back burner for years.  I'm feeling a sense of accomplishment of who I am as a person again (not just as a mother, a wife or the other roles).  I'm rediscovering what *I* like and what *I* have to contribute to the world.

So alarm ... you might not be that bad afterall.  (But don't be shocked if I still yell at you tomorrow morning when you go off waaay too early!)

Where next? How does one decide?

143 million ... it's a big number. In fact, it's an overwhelming number. I think if I'm not careful, I can get swallowed up by the emotion of it all.

Truth is ... I am only one.

Our trip to China was great. It was fun. It was a great start. We left fingerprints. We did "something". Now what? I'm left with the task of deciding where to go, when to go, who to help. And by choosing to help *these*, than *those* we're choosing not to help. My brain and heart can get all caught up in the circular thinking.

Where do we go? Where can we make the biggest impact? What do they need there? Can we do it? How do I raise the funds? How do I get the message out?

I've put out feelers to go back to China Summer 2010. I've also put out feelers about Africa as we have contacts all over that continent. So far, they're very open ... as early as Fall 2009.

The philosophical question is raised: help a few people a lot or help a lot of people a little. Also, what can be done that is of lasting impact, not just a short term gain? How can you impact a nation? How can you change a life?

These are all things that used to be just "theory" ... but I find myself having to actually put pen to paper and decide.

To all those about to embark on this journey with us ... welcome aboard. This could be the journey of a lifetime!


Beth

S.H.O.E.S. (Sharing Hope with Orphans and Every Soul

Introducing SHOES ... Sharing Hope with Orphans and Every Soul, a ministry of Destiny's House Church (http://www.destinyshouse.com).  

We are doing our first trip to China on March 13-21.  We're headed to Beijing and Taiyuan, Shanxi.  

Check back here for updates and the thoughts of the travelers.  

Beth Gore, Program Director