Dec 21, 2011

Got an answer to prayer

Gotta love how prayers are answered in direct, quick ways.  I went to bed last night wondering which way to go regarding Manny's IV versus PICC versus Broviac issue. 

By the time Manny went to bed, his arm was hurting at the IV site and starting to swell.  But the way he is with IVs, we don't pull them unless absolutely necessary.  We figured it would last until morning.  But by 3am, it was clear, he was in a lot of pain.  They turned off the fluids going into his arm and called the doc. 

At 5am, he had been up so many times crying in pain, that they pulled the IV and took a blood glucose just to make sure he doesn't plummet (like last time) and it was fine.  At 8am, it was sinking.  By 9:30, it was quite low so they called the IV team to do an emergency IV line.  (PICCs aren't done until the afternoon usually around here and he couldn't wait that long.) 

IV got in ... eventually. 

So by the time the docs rounded today, we were discussing the option of skipping the PICC altogether.  Instead, we will try to do the Broviac next Monday or Tuesday.  (That way, he'll be at the very tail end of his treatment and the least likely to get reinfected.) 

So now we wait to see if it can hang in there or not with his IVs.  The longer we can go, the better. 

Tonight, the kids, Dan and Dan's Mom Came by.  She brought me some homemade stew and a nice salad.  (Yum).  The kids had fun playing the Manny's toys!  And at the end, I sent Kaley home with them.  She was TORN, oh so torn about staying or going.  So I ended up pushing her to go.  (Even still she was still torn.)  But I know how much good it will do her, even though MY life gets harder.  She needs to get out of these 4 walls.  She needs to run and play and have some fun.  She needs to get frush air and sunshine.  She needs to hug on her cats, feed her lizard, sleep without a baby crying and machines beeping and noisy nurses.  She deserves a life outside of the hospital.  I HAVE to be here, she doesn't.  But even still, she cried on the way down the hallway.  She'll be fine.  And she made Daddy promise he'd bring her back on Friday.

I miss her already. 

I have wondered why we have been granted all this "special" time together.  We've certainly bonded in a special and unique way.  I often wonder what will come of these past 4 months where we have spent more time IN the hospital than OUT of the hospital.  I did the math ... 68 days IN the hospital and 53 days OUT of the hospital since September ... and for November, we were only in the hospital for 4 days so that tells you how long our stretches are.  And she has been with me for MOST of those days. 

I'm thankful for the amazing, beautiful, funny, caring, loving, gifted daughter that God has granted to me.  She is certainly a special gift, a real blessing. 

So here's hoping that tonight is uneventful.  That we're able to get a decent night sleep.  Afterall, I'm tired, feverish, still have that very sore throat and am feeling every bone in my body.  Both my mother and mother in law have offered to come stay with him... and even though it's tempting, THIS is where I need to be.  I've just caught too many things that put his life in jeopardy to feel safe leaving.  Maybe I just have a "savior" complex or an over inflated view of what I am doing ... maybe I need to let go of some of the control.  But the truth is ... I also don't feel a "release" to be able to leave him. 

And besides, if I went home, I'd just find children who need parenting, clothes that need washing, dishes that need to be done, work, work, work.  It would be VERY hard not to jump right in to housework and trying to catch up on what I've missed for the past almost month we've been here.  Soo ... might as well stay put. 

1 comment:

  1. You are doing the right thing, as hard as it is. Manny needs you. He needs someone who loves him as much as Jesus to watch after him. That's why God gave him to you. He knew you would love him fiercely. Love you both and wish I were there to help.