Life is Hard

Great night sleep and hit the ground running.  The baby is on new formula (the old one was purchased through walmart but this one isn't so had to track it down).  He is also now on continuous feeds so we're going to need some adjustments in his equipment.  So I headed to the DME (Durable Medical Equipment) which is around the corner.  Gave them the new scripts. 

Then off to track down his insurance card.  Got a thing in the mail that said if we don't get the card in 7-10 days to call this number.  Call the number and it's not the right one.  grrrr.  Finally get the right person and they said they couldn't do anything about it until it had been 30 days.  Guess what today is?  29!  So call again Monday. 

Next it was off to get his new script.  The most important one was not available through our regular pharmacy.  They called around to all of their locations and nothing.  So they called the competitor who had it.  Problem is ... never been registered there so I had to go there and give all the info.  Of course they asked for the card which of course I don't have (see paragraph above).  Finally got it worked out. 

Off to the grocery store.  Dan had done a basic run the other day so I was just filling in the gaps.  I push Manny in the wheelchair with one hand and pull the cart with the other.  Shop.  Put the things out of the cart, put the things in the cart.  Go to parking lot. 

Put the groceries in and return the van.  Start the van and turn on the AC (it's HOT today) so it's not so hot for Manny.  Put the purse on the seat.  I maneuver him in (around his 2 new tubes out his newly sore belly).  Go to the back to put in the wheelchair.  And as I do this, I'm thinking, "Life is Hard!"  I'm lifting up this heavy baby, heavy groceries, heavy wheelchair ... and I'm going to be 42 in 2 weeks.  I muse over things I could do to make life easier but I then I actually say outloud, "Life is hard." 

I put the wheelchair in the trunk.  Close the door and I hear a weird noise. 

The van locked all the doors! 

Never did that before. 

My heart stops. 

My baby is in the locked car.  My cell is in my purse. 

I run inside and tell the manager what is going on (he'd seen Manny so he knew he was a handicapped baby).  The fire department is next door so he runs next door.  Next thing I know the fire truck is right there making a big scene.  In the meantime, I realize if I could use the Manager's phone, I could call my Mom.  She could drive to my house and pick up Dan's spare key and drive it to me.  Would take about 20 minutes.  So she started immediately doing that. 

The firemen said they had no slim jim.  If the car wasn't running with a/c on, they would have to break a window.  That's their policy.  (No problem.)  But since it was running, they had choices.  If the baby ever got distressed, they would break the window.  If we hit 30 minutes, they would break the window. 

I could see in the window and Manny was all strapped in his car seat, drinking milk (via jtube) and sitting nicely under the a/c with toys in his lap.  HE was fine.  When I get gas in the car, I peek in and wave at him.  I did that this time and I think he thought that's what was going on.  He was clueless. 

Meanwhile, I'm roasting in the hot sun on the black tar with 3 gruff firemen staring at me.  I was doing deep breathing.  Trying to control the blood pressure!  I tried to make casual conversation with them.  (Not a chatty bunch I must say.)  But they told me what their division was for.  (Heavy duty rescue mostly.)  I told them that apparently I didn't have enough stress in my life, that he had just been released from the hospital after 9 days just last night. 

They noticed me deep breathing and I said I was doing that so they wouldn't have to call the ambulance for me. LOL And the one said, "We can take your blood pressure."  To which I said, "Pleeeeease don't". 

At 20 minutes, Mom showed up with the key.  Popped open the door to look at Manny.  He was asleep!  That's how stressed he was. 

Firefighters left. 

Mom is the hero. 

Turns out, my locks are doing very weird things so I will have them looked at.  In addition, I will make up a spare key and put it in a magnetic box somewhere on the van.  NEVER doing that again! 

As I drove home to put away my now melting groceries, I was like, "I get it!" I was reminded that no matter how hard life is or seems, it can always get worse. 

But this pushed me over the edge.  I never cried once in the hospital.  Even when they were thinking this was multiple system organ failure.  Never while he was very unstable.  Not once.  But today, it was all just one too many things.  I let myself cry for the 4 minute trip home.

Dried my tears and went inside.  I carried my napping son in the house.  Less than a week ago, they weren't sure I'd be taking him home. 

Some of you think of me as very strong.  You have said to yourself , "I could never do that." at pieces of my life.  But the truth is ... from the woman who IS living my life ...

Sometimes LIFE IS HARD. 

But worth living.