Oct 27, 2010

The dust settles

Today I did what I knew how to do.  Put one foot in front of the other.  Repeat. 

After the news from yesterday, I took the night to call family, prayer warriors, to update the blog and to just talk to Dan about the next steps. 

This morning I woke up with a plan.  One step at a time.  That's it.  As simple as that is, it's harder to do sometimes than others.  My brain wants to go to the end of the story .. to find out exactly how and when and where the miracle will take place for Jacob's life.  And instead, I must live in the moment.  And quite frankly, this moment stinks. 

But I have learned to see the beauty in truly living every moment.  Not trying to escape it or dull it or pretend it's not there.  But to truly feel what I'm supposed to.  To truly experience the good, bad and the ugly. 

See ... in THIS moment, I think I have strep. The baby has pneumomia and may need to be hospitalized again.  Zoe had a clean bill of health last week but today has an ear infection again.  Jacob has a new diagnosis.  Luke is miserable with allergies.  Sam is with a grandmother who is moving across the country.  Dan is looking for work. 

But at this exact moment, I also have so many blessings I cannot possibly recount them all.  So I will just name a few. 

In this moment, I'm thankful for ....

food on the table (more than enough)
roof over my head that isn't leaking
car that runs
6 amazing kids
1 amazing hubby
2 amazing parents
many wonderful relatives
countless friends who are supportive
sunshine and warm weather and blue skies
computer access
great health insurance
experienced doctors who care about us

But I'm also thankful for some specific things about Jacob ....

  • God foresaw that he should be homeschooled this year so we would have alone time to talk
  • That God healed his brain enough that we can now have amazing conversations and he understands most
  • That God gave us this son
  • That he is not alone in this ordeal
  • That he is no longer an orphan going through this alone like is the plight of most African American kids in foster care
  • That he is kind, understanding, compassionate, gentle and strong
  • That he is able to finally voice some of his concerns/worries.  (Something I wondered if he'd ever be able to do).
  • etc
Today Jacob and I spent most of the time the kids were in school just talking.  He had a lot of questions and concerns.  (Mostly about side effects of meds, not the whole overall picture.)  And by the end we had a plan to just focus on one step at a time. 

By the end, the dust had settled and he was visibly emotionally "lighter". 

We can do this.  One step at a time. 


  1. That is great Beth...not the news but the outlook and the path you both have before you as mother and son through this journey! The Lord always knows the end before the beginning and He has the best plans laid for us! I know Jacob is your son for a reason..He knows your a fighter for your kids and Jacob needs a fighter....and a mother all in one!What a great plan He had in orchestrating your heart to home school him through this year...it may be the most healing for him both emotionally and physically! I am excited to see his miracle and more blessings for you and Dan and the whole family! Praying for you ALL!
    In His love,Elizabeth

  2. Still thinking of you.


  3. Chris and I are standing in prayer with you. Our Daddy has his arms wrapped around everyone of you and is holding you as close has he can. We standing and believe that Gods perfect will will be done over Jacob's life and rejoice in knowing that even at his young age the Lord has already used him greatly to touch our life and many others. Jacob has much more to do. We praise God for his total healing of Jacob's body. And Speak new life to his kidneys and full system.
    Love Always and Standing Hand in Hand with you.
    Beth and Chris

  4. Continuing to pray for you...

  5. Beth,
    I know you know this, but remember you are not alone and neither is Jacob. In Isaiah 41:10 God says, "So don't worry, because I am with you. Don't be afraid, because I am your God. I will make you strong and I will help you. I will support you with my right hand that saves you." Step by step and day by day. God answers prayers and being the mom of these beautiful children that God has blessed us with, we have seen His answers so many times and will see them so many more. We are able to see the small miracles as well as the big and rejoice. I am on my knees praying for healing and for God's will. I pray that you can find the moments in the day to just "Be Still" and let God show you that He is there, whether it be in the smiles, the hugs, the tree, the sunshine or in the wind blowing in your face. He is there. I pray for peace for you and for your husband and for all the kids. Thank you for stepping over that line and for giving your beautiful children love, God's love.
    Your Sister through Him,