The dust settles

Today I did what I knew how to do.  Put one foot in front of the other.  Repeat. 

After the news from yesterday, I took the night to call family, prayer warriors, to update the blog and to just talk to Dan about the next steps. 

This morning I woke up with a plan.  One step at a time.  That's it.  As simple as that is, it's harder to do sometimes than others.  My brain wants to go to the end of the story .. to find out exactly how and when and where the miracle will take place for Jacob's life.  And instead, I must live in the moment.  And quite frankly, this moment stinks. 

But I have learned to see the beauty in truly living every moment.  Not trying to escape it or dull it or pretend it's not there.  But to truly feel what I'm supposed to.  To truly experience the good, bad and the ugly. 

See ... in THIS moment, I think I have strep. The baby has pneumomia and may need to be hospitalized again.  Zoe had a clean bill of health last week but today has an ear infection again.  Jacob has a new diagnosis.  Luke is miserable with allergies.  Sam is with a grandmother who is moving across the country.  Dan is looking for work. 

But at this exact moment, I also have so many blessings I cannot possibly recount them all.  So I will just name a few. 

In this moment, I'm thankful for ....

food on the table (more than enough)
roof over my head that isn't leaking
car that runs
6 amazing kids
1 amazing hubby
2 amazing parents
many wonderful relatives
countless friends who are supportive
sunshine and warm weather and blue skies
computer access
great health insurance
experienced doctors who care about us

But I'm also thankful for some specific things about Jacob ....

• God foresaw that he should be homeschooled this year so we would have alone time to talk
• That God healed his brain enough that we can now have amazing conversations and he understands most
• That God gave us this son
• That he is not alone in this ordeal
• That he is no longer an orphan going through this alone like is the plight of most African American kids in foster care
• That he is kind, understanding, compassionate, gentle and strong
• That he is able to finally voice some of his concerns/worries.  (Something I wondered if he'd ever be able to do).
• etc

Today Jacob and I spent most of the time the kids were in school just talking.  He had a lot of questions and concerns.  (Mostly about side effects of meds, not the whole overall picture.)  And by the end we had a plan to just focus on one step at a time. 

By the end, the dust had settled and he was visibly emotionally "lighter". 

We can do this.  One step at a time.