Oct 8, 2010

Venting alert

My blood is just BOILING. 

I guess after 6 adoptions I should be used to this ... but I'm not.  And I don't think I SHOULD ever get used to this!  It's discrimination.  It's not right. 

Let's say I call or go into a Doctor's office.  I fill out the paperwork or give the required information.  Then somehow they find out the child is adopted and now new rules apply.  Like I took Sam (Caucasian) into a place and even though "Adopted" was on his paperwork, they never asked for anything additional.  But Jacob (African American) goes into the same office and the same paperwork is marked the same way and they need court orders and everything. 

Here's the real scoop:  I have a birth certificate that says
Child's Name:  Jacob Gore
Mother's Name:  Beth Gore
Father's Name:  Daniel Gore

There is NOTHING on there that indicates in any way that this child was not BORN to me. 

So today I called a former doctor of Manny's to get some records faxed.  (Just found this doc's info.)  And I tell her upfront "We have adopted a child that was a patient of yours and we're needing the records faxed to his new doctor please."  And I got read the riot act.  She was so completely rude.  Asking the strangest questions ... NEVER run into this before. 

Basically citing me patient confidentiality and all.  Which is fine, all for that.  But I'm his mother and I have LOTS of proof of that.  I offered to fax his birth certificate (saying his name, my name, etc).  That should be MORE than enough.  But no, she wanted the adoption records.  (Fine, I can do that.)  And then she started saying that only my adoption agency could send this, that she'd have to have an affidavit, etc etc before she would even RECEIVE anything from us as "Proof". 

I told her - If I would have called in and said, "Hi, I'm the mother of XX and I'd like this..." that she would have immediately given me what I wanted.  It's because I was HONEST with her upfront about the adoption (and resulting name change) that caused he to basically treat me like a lying criminal. 

And instead of seeing my point, she went back into Patient confidentiality.  I am his MOTHER!!!!!  Every legal right in the world, as if he were born to me.  (Those words are actually in the oath we take in court and on the court records.) 

I hung up.  (Not a proud moment for me ... but I figured as upset as I was, it would be better to stop than to say something I regret.) 

I completely respect patient confidentiality issues.  That's a given.  I was willing to give her tons of proof of who I was.  But she had such a wall of discrimination in her mind that there was no way around it.  (I'll just have my doctor's office request the records so we'll get it.)  My fight isn't with this receptionist. 

I think this pushes my buttons on so many levels.  But mostly, it's a slap in the face of all adoptive parents saying that no matter what classes we take, hoops we jump through, legal steps we take, etc ... we will never be "REAL" parents in the eyes of some people.  And that is not OK with me. 


  1. Ouch I am with you 200% -- HUGS!!!

  2. I am SO sorry!! This is certainly not okay on any level. Sending you hugs!

  3. So sorry that you had such a negative experience with this doctor's office. The person that you spoke with should not treat any person in such a manner. I would recommend calling back and speaking with the office manager and/or doctor so that you can obtain the records that you need and perhaps prevent another family from receiving the same, unacceptable treatment in the future.
    Hope you and your beautiful family have a lovely Autumn weekend!!

  4. I'm not so sure it's NOT the receptionist's problem.
    I think a SERIOUS letter to the doctor (or group) is in order....my buttons have been pushed too. If is isn't the receptionist's problem then the whole office is in dire need of some "continuing education" credits.
    I think the final "Patient Confidentiality" rehtoric was a CYA for the desk lady. Since I have my own resident Nurse, Dr's Office Manager, Case manager daughter it's amazing what I have learned about the BS that goes on behind the white coats. Penny

  5. I would call back and ask to speak to the doctor or office manager, as Christina said.

  6. So very sorry to hear that, what a horrible thing to go through. Here sending you a hug.